Oh God, I can feel a migraine coming on already.
*sigh* Let’s just grit our teeth and power through
this. Okay?
Okay. So the
last post dealt primarily with the gameplay of Valkyria Revolution -- and true to this series’ title, it’s
bad. Stunningly bad. As I said, not a single choice made was the
right one. Combat is slow, strategy is
nonexistent, AI is worthless; the list goes on and on. (Boy that upgrade system is borked.) It’s unpleasant from start to finish. At least, I assume that’s the case -- because
I tapped out after seven hours with the game, and didn’t even make it to the
halfway point according to the built-in table of contents. I’m not too broken up about it, because that
means I get to put more time into learning some new fighting game
characters. (Why didn’t anyone tell me Dizzy was so cool?)
I can still think of a few questions that need
asking and answering, though. Since this
is a video game we’re talking about, gameplay is king. Well, I assume as much among the general
gaming populace. Can good gameplay
compensate for a bad story? Essentially. Tekken
7’s story is not great, but I
don’t begrudge it when it lets me land a juggle combo into a Rage Art. Can a good story save a bad game? Possibly.
That answer will vary between people and games, especially depending on
the length. But as far as I’m concerned,
there’s one ironclad rule at play here: you can’t have a game with both bad gameplay AND a bad story.
And guess which game does?
Credit where credit’s due: Valkyria Revolution at least has an interesting setup. You’re playing as a soldier and his squad
mates, but you’re also following behind the back of one of the so-called Five
Traitors. History has long since
condemned them as schemers and criminals who guided the ever-bullied kingdom of
Jutland into an escalating war with the Ruz Empire, but the historian reading
about them years later (which we experience via framing device) is out to
conclusively learn/prove that the Traitors weren’t the monsters common
knowledge has made them out to be.
There are some neat ideas at play here. The Five Traitors have all worked their way
into positions of power or influence, despite their humble beginnings as mere
orphans. Because of their determination
-- their lust for revenge against DA EMPYARRRRRRR that took everything from
them -- they use their influence to distort Jutland at large to propel the
war. One of them has a parliamentary seat,
so he’s got a hell of a lot of pull. But
beyond that? One of them is a writer who
uses propaganda to build support among the people. One of them has a hand in manufacturing, so
he pushes towards a focus on weapons R&D.
One of them is a spy who can play whoever she wants -- friend or foe --
with her feminine wiles. One of them is
a soldier who can make sure his squad performs exactly as intended. So yeah, the central premise isn’t wrong.
The problem is the execution. Because you see, VR is so anime-heavy that it utterly breaks the game.
And as a friendly reminder: I like anime. I like a fair amount of the stuff Japan puts
out -- not everything, mind, and not with blind adoration, but I do have a deep
respect for what comes from the land of the rising sun. VR,
however, is the exception that proves the rule.
It’s such an exception that I’m having a hard time summing it up; I
don’t know whether to call it a bowl of lukewarm gruel made from ground-up
anime tropes, or a plate of broken glass made from the shattered suspension of
disbelief. So let’s just call it both,
declare it a buffet of organ-shredding badness, and move on to the next step.
Here’s the thing: even though I’m by no means an
expert on the franchise, I still have some idea of what made Valkyria Chronicles into something
special -- something that won over plenty of fans back in the day. The visuals helped, for sure, but so did the
affect. The tone. The feel
of the game -- a set of intangibles that are appreciable here and now. It was a fantastical retelling of a major
historical event, which was absolutely to its benefit. The setting, the relationships, the
technology, and especially the characters -- all of it felt like a trip to the
past (albeit one that never existed) that set Valkyria Chronicles apart from a good number of its peers. Sure, it eventually led to gunfights and tank
warfare, but it was also a game starring nature lover trekking through the
countryside, featured its leading heroine as a cheery baker, and used goat poop
about as well as a video game could.
So what do we have in 2017? A game that A) didn’t understand what made
its predecessor good, B) didn’t care about what made its predecessor good, or
C) couldn’t come close to replicating what made its predecessor good.
I’ll grant the devs that the city you use as your
home base -- the one city, as far as
I know -- is okay to look at as you go on your way (slowly). That’s probably
only because it might as well be one big room with a few extra nooks you can
access, but whatever. It’ll do. And the idea of having a city, the
development of which is spurred on by an apparent industrial revolution, is a
good one. If they had the skill (or the
guts), the devs could’ve gotten so much out of that aspect. They could have made the game into something
truly special -- not just something in the shadow of VC1, but with its own unique style.
It was right there. Right there.
It could’ve been a game about the inexorable march of technology, and
what it means for a society forced to undergo rapid change. Simple lives in the country have been traded
for the hustle and bustle of urban sprawls that have spread like viruses; you
could build a whole game around the growing pains there. Shoddy work conditions, sanitation, mass
emigration and culture shock -- all of that and more, or even any of that. But this is a game built around war, which
giftwraps even more opportunities. It’d be a perfect chance to show how evolving
technology is changing the face of war.
Use the emergence of new tech to prove how devastating the battlefield
can be, or how unprepared soldiers are to face heretofore-untested weaponry, or
escalate the conflict via an aggressive arms race. There are so many possibilities just waiting
to be probed. And what did the devs
choose?
Oversized, overdesigned melee weapons with lots of
glowing bits. Because fuck credibility,
and fuck you.
As much as I like melee weapons in video games, Mass Effect and Xenoblade Chronicles X have taught me that sometimes, it’s OK to
have RPGs with guns in them. Sometimes
it’s even preferable. Just look at Vanquish; rather than rely on plodding
cover-based shooting galleries, it featured rocket-paced action and enough
style to make the average hair metal band look like stuffy salarymen. Despite the dark specter of Call of Duty, there’s still plenty that
you can do with guns -- least of all lend a bit of cadence to the universe
you’re trying to build. But whoever
spearheaded VR’s direction didn’t get
the memo, and it creates an affect that grinds brains into a coarse powder.
As I understand it, Valkyria Chronicles 1 was about quasi-realistic warfare -- soldiers
on two fronts marching to dispatch enemy units and claim territories. It’s not a one-to-one with real conflicts, I
know, but the simulation of it gave that game an interesting take. But VR doesn’t. The massive divide between reality and
fantasy creates a gap that can’t be bridged by either gameplay or story. Why is it that in a universe half-built on
industrial advancements -- at least on a level above VC1, but that still counts for a lot -- an entire nation would pin
a fair amount of its hopes on a group of soldiers who trot across battlefields
with axes and lances? This is a game
where enemy soldiers from DUH IMMPIAAAAAAH willingly and eagerly shoot at
trespassers in the head from the safety of sandbag barriers and urban layouts
-- some semblance of guerrilla warfare, arguably. What sort of idiot would march up to them in
the hopes of whacking them with an oversized sword?
And okay, sure, you could make the argument that
it’s “Anti-Valkyria Weaponry”, given that that’s the purpose of the playable
squad. But then you’d fall flat on your
ass. If it’s possible to make
Anti-Valkyria Weaponry into swords, knives, claws, and rods, why
can’t you make that weaponry into guns so you can shoot a Valkyria in the head
from two towns over?
The cynical reason that comes to mind is because
the devs thought it would be cool. That
people would like it, because it’s cool.
That people would buy into the game because it appeals to what they
think is cool. But it isn’t. You know what’s cool? Style.
Originality. Quality. You aren’t achieving that with a game like
this, because you’re offering nothing of value besides cheap pandering -- and
that cheap pandering breaks the game over its knee. I don’t want to see some royal asshole start
duel-wielding and showing off his gun katas in what’s supposed to be a serious,
investigative historical drama.
Either make it so that everyone uses conventional
weaponry (except the valkyria…kinda like a certain franchise-starting game from
a decade ago), or make it so that no one uses conventional weaponry. Otherwise, the inherent justification for the
Anti-Valkyria Squad is that they’re so much more powerful than the enemy that
they don’t need to use guns. That’s not
good for tension, guys. Take this
seriously and play up the strengths of your game -- the quintessence that sets
it apart from generic anime fare -- so that gamers will be more likely to buy
in when it’s time for future VC games. Or, god forbid, VR2.
So here’s the thing about VR that utterly slaughters any hope for the game. There’s a character in it named Tilda, and
she’s my favorite of the bunch because 1) she’s not some dumb teenager, and 2)
she talks the least.
To be fair, it’s not as if everyone else is
utterly worthless; my main squad features Tilda, stern teacher Brigitte, joking
drunkard Daryl, and sweet supporter Blum (who’s in this war for his mom, and
that’s A-OK with me). It’s just everyone
else that’s utterly worthless at best, to the point where I actively resent the
game when it forces me to play as others.
Some of the guys in the squad feel like filler to pad out the roster, which
is only bolstered by the fact that the game follows the Final Fantasy Type-0 school of thought: introduce a bunch of
soldiers and say they’re all comrades, but do nothing to develop them outside
of their character models.
It really hits a fever pitch with some of these
guys. As an example, here’s Sara.
For starters, you have to try pretty hard to
notice that she’s just barely wearing her squad uniform, which you’d think
would be an issue for a member of the army.
Maybe it’d be easier to look over that if she didn’t come to every
battle in high heels. She looks like she’s just rolled out of bed,
her clothes look wildly incongruous with the era -- “1937”, but to be fair
nobody looks like they coordinate with squad mates, citizens, or the time
period -- and the fact that it seems like she wears headphones just ‘cause makes my skull threaten to
rupture.
And then you get to her in the actual game, and
she’s annoying as hell -- inundating each stage with chipper cheers and shouts
of “GOT A BAD FEELING!” over and over and over again. If I could, I would superglue her to the
dugout benches. When she’s not being a
cloying little imp, she’s being generic and predictable, and grating in
kind. There’s another character named
Helena who’s basically dressed like a standard anime schoolgirl, and while
she’s presented as slightly more hot-blooded than most, she’s still effectively
a standard anime schoolgirl. To that
end, she and Sara, in the first optional cutscene presumably there to flesh out characters and provide world-building
details -- especially those that would show how they feel about the Jutland/Ruz
conflict -- sit around stuffing their faces with sweets while they talk about
which boys they like.
This game is so bad. This cast
is so bad. But it gets even worse
from here.
The mere existence of Ophelia infuriates me, and
it shouldn’t. In theory, she’s a good
idea: she’s a princess of a beaten-down kingdom who rises up to lead her fellow
men to victory and salvation. She’s a
symbol of hope, inspiration, and strength to the despairing masses. She’s not just the standard damsel in
distress. On paper, it all sounds
airtight. But in the game, she the
second-worst character VR has to
offer. Why? It’s simple.
Ophelia doesn’t belong on the battlefield.
So here’s the thing. I spent a few days trying to figure out why
Ophelia drove me up a wall like a grandma in dire need of an exorcism. And eventually, I found my answer. See, Tales
of the Abyss has a character in it named Natalia, a princess whose country
of Kimlasca is on the cusp of (and eventually thrown into) a war. Rather than sit around and clasp her hands in
prayer, she takes up her bow and arrow and takes the fight to the front lines. Same basic premise, but the key differences
are there. For one thing, Natalia
actually has (intentional) flaws alongside her character traits. She’s bratty at times and kind of dopey at
others, and certain reveals later in the game leave her effectively
short-circuited, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s a princess for a
damn good reason.
Natalia can take care of herself on the
battlefield, with archery skills that she’s honed for years and enough savvy to
save the main cast on multiple occasions.
But it’s not just about her physical ability, though. She’s a princess who uses her status and her inherent character to the
benefit of others. In the former case,
she puts in tons of effort as an ambassador from one corner of the world to
another, bringing together dissimilar peoples for a common goal. In the latter case, she does so much for so
many people -- tasks small and large -- that the average citizen has more love
for her than the actual monarchs of their countries. Whether it’s her status or her character, the
devs put in work to make her more than just an archetype.
In contrast?
Everything about Ophelia is just lip service -- and done poorly, at
that. She goes “I’m going to fight on
the front lines for my country!” at the outset, only to fail so miserably that
she ends up being a liability for the others -- basically becoming someone that
the others have to babysit before she gets killed. Her first kill on the battlefield is
basically an accident, one that shocks her to her core and requires the others
to comfort her in the face of a necessity of warfare. And I’m just sitting there thinking “We don’t have time for this bullshit.” If not for the game forcing me to have her in
the party, she would’ve gotten the glued-to-the-benches treatment, too…but then
it turns out she has some secret hidden power via her singing. Because of course she has some secret hidden
power. How else would the devs justify
dragging her into every new firefight?
And it has to be via singing, because now it’s like she’s an idol! Everybody loves idols, right?
SHE’S NOT EVEN WEARING A UNIFORM, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. SHE’S SUCH AN EASY TARGET WHEN SHE STANDS OUT
SO MUCH. ALSO, AT LEAST GIVE HER SOME
PANTS OR SOMETHING. GOD DAMN.
Maybe I would feel better about the character and
the situation if it wasn’t for the fact that Ophelia makes a terrible first
impression. Lives are on the line, and
not just her own, yet she acts like she can handle it just to prove how tough
she is. Or to do what she must for her
kingdom. Does she seriously think that
the only way she can help out and make a difference is to fight in
close-quarters combat with soldiers and mechs, any one of which could blow her
brains out from hundreds of feet away?
What happens when your luck runs out, and you get killed because you
were too busy playing soldier?
I get what the devs were going for by having her
give soothing speeches to the populace, but it’s not enough -- and worse yet,
it’s actually harmful in a lot of ways. She
hosts these big speeches to try and soothe the people of Jutland, but it comes
off as accidental propaganda -- a ploy that plays into the Five Traitors’
schemes, with Ophelia accidentally acting as a pawn they didn’t even ask for. And even though I tapped out at the
seven-hour mark, there was still plenty of time to show Ophelia doing more than
just a PR stunt; much like Natalia, they could’ve had her using her status and
authority to serve the people, whether it’s in a personal or political
capacity. But they didn’t. Hell, I’m starting to wonder if she’s
basically just a figurehead slapping a proverbial Band-Aid on the situation,
when everyone should really be zeroing in on parliament.
Or, you know, the actual, professional soldiers
trying to save the country. Then again,
that begs the question: given that the Anti-Valkyria Squad is just doing a
mission here or there while it’s explicitly stated that the Jutland Army is
fighting the main battles, doesn’t that drastically devalue both the Squad’s
presence and the player’s input?
…
…I hate this game.
Is there anything that genuinely works in VR?
Possibly. Maybe there’s more
after the first seven hours. But as it
stands, there’s nothing here that I would unabashedly call “good” -- just
“passable” or “tolerable” at best. As it
stands, I see no reason to venture any further into the game than I already have. The sunk cost fallacy won’t get the best of
me. Not today, at least.
Characters create opportunities, but grievously,
there’s only one character that I’m okay with.
Well, technically two; there’s a guy named Godot who seems to be the
only one taking this war seriously…but from what I’ve read, he ends up getting
killed off. Because of course the level-headed, reasonable, responsible, loyal soldier
ends up getting killed. And as for Madam
Booby, Brunhilde? She gets in, like, one
line that comes off as a joke -- disdainful compliance with the leader of DEH
UMPAIOOOOOOOR -- but that’s it. The only
way for her to become a genuine selling point for the game and/or a cause for
continued play is if she gained a cup size through every progressive
chapter. At least then there’d be
something to talk about.
But don’t you worry. Even if VR
has nothing to talk about, I certainly do -- because as I said, Ophelia is
only the second-worst character in this game.
See you next ti-
*vomits blood*
Oh, that’s
not a good sign.
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